Thursday, December 27, 2018

December 25 & 26, 2018

Dec. 25:
To say that I'm overwhelmed emotionally today would be an understatement. Today is exactly one month after Joy's death and it's christmas, a holiday I already have mixed feelings about. I did a lovely ritual for Yule on the Winter's Solstice that helped me release some of my anger. On Sunday, I had an excellent dinner with my cousin Heather who (whether she knows it or not) helped me mentally sort through some things. I'm still crying every day, but apparently tears are great for shielding from illness as I haven't caught Bek's plague. I have received so many amazing cards and gifts (I have such wonderful friends and family!), both condolences and celebratory. Today I even accomplished cleaning and straightening the bunny area (happy bunnies!), petting buns, cuddled all the cats, and did laundry. I still have presents and things to finish, but I'm not stressing about it.
My favorite gift, the one that made me weep with sorrow and happiness, is the painting Bek did of our two boys, Meander and Nemesis. ðŸ’™

Dec. 26:
Today was rough. At work we were unexpectedly short staffed, I had to be mentally present for a business meeting, and there were tech issues... (At one point, the power went out in the library in the middle of me helping a patron who was dealing with some legal stuff online! Fortunately, once the power came back on, I was able to help her recreate everything, and she was very kind, but it was super frustrating.) I was so glad for Alex, who checked in ALL THE BOOKS IN THE WORLD!! Okay, maybe a few less than that, but there was a lot due to us being closed for two days. Since I had a meeting then was consumed with helping patrons on tbe computers, it was pretty much just him for the morning.
The hardest part was all the people asking me if I had a good Christmas. Saying I don't celebrate just changed the question to, "well, did you have a good time on your days off?" I couldn't lie, so I said no and turned the question back on them. Most folks took the hint, but I had one regular who kept pushing and was asking where my family was, did I grow up around here, etc. He's a sweet man, but I really, really, really didn't want to get into any of that.
When I got to my car, I saw that my dad had called. My first thought was, "who died now?" I hated that I was right... My aunt Liz, who was 93 and had health issues, died peacefully this morning. While I'm so glad for the peaceful going, it is still loss and I bawled.

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